Influencers

As you’re reading this, it’s already happened. I’ve seen Madonna. But right now I’m just bubbling with anticipation because tonight I am bringing my children to see her at the Chase Center. (Please see my forthcoming memoir about why Madonna is my #1 and how she has impacted, mirrored, reflected, and enhanced my life). Here, however, I’d like to think about influence - how celebrity and culture influence our children and how we, as parents and educators, participate in that influence as supporters, comrades, disruptors, shields, process-partners, and more.
 
Though I have been playing Madonna’s music, sharing personal anecdotes, and educating them about her cultural impact, my kids just don’t get it. They like some of the songs and they can appreciate my lip service but it’s not relevant for them. They are otherwise absorbing the culture in which they swim - the unavoidable inundation of Taylor Swift or the GOAT debate surrounding Steph Curry, to name a couple. There have been ongoing conversations in my household about icons versus role models versus disruptors, about the role and responsibility that celebrities (including social media influencers) have in relation to their fans. Do they owe us anything?  Is it their responsibility to speak up or speak out?  Is it their responsibility to consider how their influence may be affecting their fans of all ages?  Is it our responsibility to question their choices?

I love Madonna’s music. That’s basic. But I also respected Madonna for being so supportive and outspoken about the AIDS crisis when it was otherwise being brushed under the rug. I was impressed with her ability to transform and re-invent her image and sound over the years, especially how she changed after becoming a mother. And I shook my head in embarrassment when she started wearing an eye patch. I never expect or need anything from her. I just take what she offers. I reflect my own identity and values along the way and have enjoyed having her by my side for my entire life. And this is a one-way relationship.

As I found myself spouting all of this out to my children, I had the frightening epiphany that I am the ultimate influencer of my children. And that my influencers have influenced me and therefore influence my children. The difference is, I am real!  They can talk to me.

While I am certainly not the best form of entertainment, I am the person they see every day, raw and unfiltered. They are witness to my gifts and my struggles. They see how I interact with the world and how the world meets me in response. As they are older now, they are able to express honest feelings of pride and embarrassment. Their pride is so humbling. 

The difference, however, is that they don’t ever meet their other influencers. They only interact with the public, edited version. While they intellectually understand they are being fed a curated experience, it’s not understood in their hearts. The version of these people that we are privy to is unreal and almost inhuman. In a recent conversation, as my daughter prepares for her Bat Mitzvah, we were discussing why God says that no one can see the face of God and live. Mind you, my daughter does not believe in any God and is more than happy to get into that debate with you. However, within a few beats of our little Torah study, she said if she met Conan Gray (her Madonna), “I WOULD DIE!”. To which I replied, “So you do believe in God.”  “Moooom…” *eye roll*. 


What I’m getting at here is how untouchable these celebrity influencers are. If we find good ones, they can bring so much joy, inspiration, and beauty. They can speak to our souls in ways that we can only dream of. But. And here is a big but. They might not put a poster of me up on their wall or wear a t-shirt with my face on it, but I am their biggest influencer. And I’m taking them to see Madonna.