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Recently my 13-year old daughter taught me a fun fact about how we perceive time. If you are experiencing something for the first time, it takes the brain longer to process the experience. Our perception of time, therefore, is slower. For small children, there are constantly new experiences so time seems to move at a snail's pace. But adults? We’ve woken up, had a day, and gone to sleep so many times that our processing time is much quicker, hence the time seems to pass at a cheetah’s pace.
Did I fact check this? No. Is this real science? Not sure. Does it make some logical sense? Yes. Then one day in the fall and one day in the spring, we are told to simply change the time. "Changing time" used to entail physically turning the hands of the clock. Then it meant remembering how to change our digital clocks and watches. Now the phone wizards make the adjustment for us in the middle of the night. Time just changes. Right now, with the time change and the changing times, we are needing to adjust to the balance of light and dark. We may feel disoriented or tired. Our kids and partners and everyone around us might feel the same as well. Some may be conscious and expressive of their discomfort while others may quietly adapt. We can notice what is happening for ourselves and hold compassion for those around us, for as long as it takes. One thing we can be certain of, however, is that the time(s) will continue to change. It will get longer and shorter and lighter and darker. But on and on it goes. What a journey. There's a lot going on here at Golden Bridges School. Take a look at some upcoming happenings below. We hope to see you sometime soon. Calendar of Community Events:
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Nancy Hammer. Ms. Hammer. That’s the first teacher I remember who made a difference in my life. She taught 4th grade at Baywood Elementary in the 1980s. I was what we used to call a tomboy. At recess I could be found playing handball on the far left handball court reserved for the highest level of players, mostly 5th grade boys. Every so often, I would reluctantly participate in the choreography of a dance to Tiffany’s “I Think We’re Alone Now”. I was well liked and rarely loved, having the quality of fitting into most friend groups but never feeling part of any. I was a good but not exceptional student, creative but not an exceptional artist. I often had a funny comment to make at every turn. Most teachers found that very annoying. But Ms. Hammer? She saw all of these parts of me and not only appreciated my uniqueness but found ways to celebrate and highlight it. She smiled a lot. She valued the work of her students and our personhood. Being seen in that way helped me see myself and feel valued. Aren’t those teachers the best? Just the absolute best? We talk often of the teacher as a “loving authority”. What a masterful description of the work our teachers do. Not to wash over all of the practical, meaningful, and time-consuming work of research, curriculum development, lesson planning, material gathering, meetings, internal communications, parent/guardian communication, parent/guardian conferences, parent/guardian meetings, general classroom management, substituting, on and on. Wait. That’s a lot. Pause to celebrate that. Yay teachers. You are amazing! Beneath the practical lies the type of work that makes a teacher someone whose smile you remember nearly 40 years later. What is a teacher who masters the role of being a loving authority? The love is perhaps the most important part. Think of those you love - your family and some close friends. You love them out of a profound knowing of them, all of the good, bad and ugly. It’s a love that encompasses their wholeness, one that ebbs and flows yet somehow stays steady. It’s a love that sees the potential of their perfect and highest self but forgives the inevitable reality of their faulted being. It’s a love that wishes the best for them. This is the love that a teacher develops for their students and is the force that envelops the classroom each and every day. Then we weave in the authority. Not the bad-word kind of authority but the kind of authority that provides a safe and nurturing environment with clear expectations so that the children can freely learn and develop. Consider the word ‘author.’ One who writes. I’m a New Yorker reader and one thing I notice about the profile pieces is that there are always several sentences reserved for describing what the person is wearing during the interview or their gestures and demeanor. It’s a brief pause in a greater narrative to just offer a judgment- free observation. This is the type of author our teachers are. They observe and collect those observations - tomboy, handball, jokes, drifter - and create a mental picture of the child. Those mental pictures are held with love, and through inspiration from those super-sensible places, the teacher can meet the child where they are, molding the lesson and the classroom dynamic to the beautiful cast of characters that make up the class. The teachers also authorize. They are allowing the children to develop into who are they are becoming without an expectation of how that might unfold. Permission to be. Permission to explore, be curious, have setbacks, be tired, be upright, be rascally, be all the ways our children are. And within that authorization, walking that fine line of authorization and holding the form necessary for learning to be possible. Teachers. We see you. We see the investment of your whole selves that show up for the children each and every day. We are so grateful. Get some good rest this summer. You deserve it. 4th Grade Assignment: Write an issue of TIME magazine about yourself. My cover (below). I haven’t changed a bit.  When you were in middle school, or younger, did you have a SmartPhone? Did your parents have the TV on a 24-hour news station all day? Were you aware of fractious international politics? Did you consider the future to be hopeful or bleak? Did you consider the future at all? If you had bleak feelings, did your family and the community around you give you the tools to acknowledge and process those feelings?
I’m making an assumption that you are close to or over 30 if you are reading this. Millennials to Boomers are the audience here, the average being the Gen X’ers, the Prozac generation. Individual circumstances aside, statistics will tell us that Gen Z and below are suffering from an unprecedented mental health crisis. Young people are more depressed, more anxious, more hopeless. Suicide rates are rising, addiction levels are rising. There are myriad reasons why this is true and/or why the statistics bring us to this conclusion but I think from our own observations as parents and educators, we can confirm this reality. I have some good news. It doesn’t have to be this way. And schools like Golden Bridges can be part of the solution. At our school open houses people inevitably ask about how we teach reading, math and science. They ask about how we handle “discipline” and about our diversity numbers. These are important questions to which we have head-noddingly complete answers. With families applying for our Equitable Tuition Program, we find ourselves having intimate conversations about abundance versus scarcity, trying to determine where education costs fit into a tight budget. As parents considering joining our school, these are important questions whose answers matter. The answers are also valuable to us as a school. The unasked question, I believe, is how can this school support the children in becoming strong, confident versions of themselves? My answer would be that we do this every day at Golden Bridges. We teach them in a developmentally appropriate way, not precious and sheltering but rather meeting them at a place where they can process and understand. We support the children in recognizing, celebrating, and challenging their strengths and supporting and encouraging their areas of growth. Who they are, however they are, is welcome and loved. And the expectation is set that they also recognize, listen to, and support one another. In the grades, some of these expectations are called out explicitly through the creation of classroom norms which include various versions of kindness and respect. The norms are learned and practiced together, called out when they have been honored or transgressed. Other expectations are built gently into the day-to-day, such as the gesture of a Kindergarten “elder” tying on the apron of a “younger” on painting day. Many classes start their morning by lighting a candle and offering “light” to a situation or someone in need or gratitude for something or someone that is bringing them joy. When conflict arises, at any age, the children are brought together to listen, acknowledge and form an understanding that generates a deeper relationship. Let’s be sure to care for our children. Let’s not assume they have the capacity to process the unavoidable onslaught of information and opinions. We need to shield them as best we can and ensure they have the tools they need to stand tall, feel good about themselves, and make this world a better place. It’s happening right here in our classrooms and that’s a good place to start.
We are thrilled to present to you the inaugural issue of our Golden Bridges School Magazine, a captivating journey into the heart of our beloved school.
In these pages, you will find stories that share the unique magic that makes our school a truly exceptional place for learning, growth, and community. From behind-the-scenes glimpses of everyday life to rituals and celebrations, the magazine captures the essence of what sets Golden Bridges School apart. A heartfelt thank you goes out to our dedicated teachers whose passion, expertise, and commitment shine through in every corner of this publication. Their invaluable contributions have helped weave together the experiences that define the spirit of Golden Bridges School. As we take this exciting step into the world of storytelling, we hope the magazine becomes a cherished companion, fostering a deeper connection among our students, parents, faculty, and friends. Join us in celebrating the diverse talents and achievements that make Golden Bridges School truly magical. Thank you for being a part of this incredible journey. As you’re reading this, it’s already happened. I’ve seen Madonna. But right now I’m just bubbling with anticipation because tonight I am bringing my children to see her at the Chase Center. (Please see my forthcoming memoir about why Madonna is my #1 and how she has impacted, mirrored, reflected, and enhanced my life). Here, however, I’d like to think about influence - how celebrity and culture influence our children and how we, as parents and educators, participate in that influence as supporters, comrades, disruptors, shields, process-partners, and more.
Though I have been playing Madonna’s music, sharing personal anecdotes, and educating them about her cultural impact, my kids just don’t get it. They like some of the songs and they can appreciate my lip service but it’s not relevant for them. They are otherwise absorbing the culture in which they swim - the unavoidable inundation of Taylor Swift or the GOAT debate surrounding Steph Curry, to name a couple. There have been ongoing conversations in my household about icons versus role models versus disruptors, about the role and responsibility that celebrities (including social media influencers) have in relation to their fans. Do they owe us anything? Is it their responsibility to speak up or speak out? Is it their responsibility to consider how their influence may be affecting their fans of all ages? Is it our responsibility to question their choices? I love Madonna’s music. That’s basic. But I also respected Madonna for being so supportive and outspoken about the AIDS crisis when it was otherwise being brushed under the rug. I was impressed with her ability to transform and re-invent her image and sound over the years, especially how she changed after becoming a mother. And I shook my head in embarrassment when she started wearing an eye patch. I never expect or need anything from her. I just take what she offers. I reflect my own identity and values along the way and have enjoyed having her by my side for my entire life. And this is a one-way relationship. As I found myself spouting all of this out to my children, I had the frightening epiphany that I am the ultimate influencer of my children. And that my influencers have influenced me and therefore influence my children. The difference is, I am real! They can talk to me. While I am certainly not the best form of entertainment, I am the person they see every day, raw and unfiltered. They are witness to my gifts and my struggles. They see how I interact with the world and how the world meets me in response. As they are older now, they are able to express honest feelings of pride and embarrassment. Their pride is so humbling. The difference, however, is that they don’t ever meet their other influencers. They only interact with the public, edited version. While they intellectually understand they are being fed a curated experience, it’s not understood in their hearts. The version of these people that we are privy to is unreal and almost inhuman. In a recent conversation, as my daughter prepares for her Bat Mitzvah, we were discussing why God says that no one can see the face of God and live. Mind you, my daughter does not believe in any God and is more than happy to get into that debate with you. However, within a few beats of our little Torah study, she said if she met Conan Gray (her Madonna), “I WOULD DIE!”. To which I replied, “So you do believe in God.” “Moooom…” *eye roll*. What I’m getting at here is how untouchable these celebrity influencers are. If we find good ones, they can bring so much joy, inspiration, and beauty. They can speak to our souls in ways that we can only dream of. But. And here is a big but. They might not put a poster of me up on their wall or wear a t-shirt with my face on it, but I am their biggest influencer. And I’m taking them to see Madonna. Just the other day, I was feeling an uncommon pang in my heart. It almost felt like grief, loss or mourning. It hurt a little bit and it was hard to focus. I realized the pang was an intense surge of love for my children. I wanted them by my side. My youngest daughter recently turned 13. That feeling of loss was a settling of a transformation and re-orientation of my motherly love. She’s growing up. We’ve moved through all the stages, from the preciousness and exhaustion of infancy to the relentless chasing and adorableness of toddlerhood through the curiosity and distance during their teen years when she is so often in her room with the door closed. As parents, the quality of our love bends and flexes with each phase.
Love is a moment and a journey. It is self-sufficient and requires nurturing. It can inspire levity or heaviness. It allows us to see and understand deeply or be blinded. I am blessed and proud that my daughter is also on a love journey with her experience here at Golden Bridges School. She started here as a preschooler and will be graduating in 2025. As the quote above states, love is central to the educational experience. Love from the teachers, love within the curriculum, love in the classroom, and love of nature. We protect and advocate for who and what we love. If our teachers are tasked with discovering love for their students, their ability to nurture them is stronger. If the curriculum is filled with stories, activities, and lessons that illustrate love, the students embody those teachings. If the classroom ethos is to share kindness and respect, the class builds cohesion. If the children are taught land stewardship and have the opportunity to play in nature, they will become advocates for environmental well-being. A couple of years ago, our faculty welcomed musical activist Melanie DeMore to sing with our faculty. She led us in an energetic rendition of her song “Put One Foot in Front of the Other”. With clapping and swaying, we sang out “Put one foot in front of the other and lead with love!” While this song was written the day after the 2016 election, it continues to be a rallying cry for us as educators and for myself, as a parent. Let’s harness these moments of love. Let them give us strength, courage, and compassion. Our children need it, we need it, our earth needs it. Wishing you a month filled with love. 'Tis the New Year and the opportunity to once again create space for reflection, rejuvenation, and intention setting. Just before the school break, our faculty was offered mentorship from Elana Margolis, a longtime Waldorf teacher and Jewish ritualist. During one Faculty Meeting, Ms. Margolis offered a wonderful framework to use in consideration of the festival life at our school which can also be used when approaching any tradition, cycle, or repeated pattern in our lives. Treasure, Transform, Compost.
What elements do we want to Treasure - the meaningful, delightful, beautiful, and relevant pieces. What elements do we want to Transform - the aspects that might have meaning but the outward expression doesn’t quite fit or the time has never quite worked or the people involved could be adjusted. What elements do we want to Compost - all of the things we can let go of. This framework can be brought to large, community rituals like school festivals or family holidays but can also be useful in day-to-day life. Consider your bedtime routine. Perhaps you decide that cuddling up to read a story is a treasure, worth keeping. But maybe something in the bathtime-teethbrushing part needs some transforming since it always creates a fuss. What can be changed to make that more easeful? And lastly, maybe we compost the foot rub. It’s nice but saves you some energy after a long day. Or consider your “home from work” routine. Treasure that moment you head straight to the bedroom to take off your work clothes and put on cozy sweats and slippers. Transform that next moment into a time to make a cup of tea and sit down for 10 minutes rather than heading straight to the kitchen to prepare dinner. Compost your phone! Putting it away for at least an hour when arriving home. It can often feel overwhelming at this time of year to feel as though we need to set some grand intentions or change some lifelong habits so maybe just considering some more dynamic shifts in one ritual or simply posing these questions without seeking the answers is enough. I treasure this community, hope to transform some stress and dis-ease, and wish to compost divisiveness. I hope you’ll join me. Wishing you all a Happy New Year. It’s the winter holiday season. Diwali was a few weeks ago, Hanukkah starts later this week, the solstice is around the corner, followed by Christmas and Kwanzaa. The match and candle industries are doing just fine this time of year. Before digging in to the power of light during the darkest time of year in the Northern Hemisphere, I want to talk a bit about first grade math and sixth grade science. Stay with me.
In the first grade, the first math lesson is an introduction to the numbers. The average new first grader has plenty of familiarity with counting and even some simple addition or subtraction. But math isn’t just moving numbers from here to there. It’s about relationships. How do the parts relate to the whole? It’s about understanding how those parts relate to one another. Are they gaining (addition) or losing (subtraction)? Is it happening fast (multiplication) or slow (addition)? How do we find balance on either side of that equal sign? Therefore the introduction to numbers starts with the quality of those numbers. Understanding the quality helps to better understand the “problem” we are trying to solve. And understanding those “problems” can uncover the deepest aspects of the human condition! What is the number 1? What is there 1 of? There’s one of you and one of me. There is one planet earth. There is one sun in our sky. The students can go on and on naming what there is “one of”. And from the point of view of first grade level math, 1 is whole and you cannot divide it into pieces. When you multiply a number by 1, it keeps it’s identity. When you divide a number by 1, it keeps it’s identity. And on and on we go! Now what about 2? What are there 2 of? How does 2 appear in nature? Two eyes, two ears, two hands. The sun and the moon. Night and day. Up and down. Two can be a pair or two can be polar opposites. Jumping ahead to 6th grade science, the students will study magnetism. Magnetism is the study of the movement of electrical charges that either attracts or repels. It is the push and pull of polarities - positive and negative forces. The positive and negative are so attracted to one another and it’s when we bring the same charges together, they are immediately repulsed by one another. The winter holiday season is the perfect illustration of the attraction of the polarities of light and dark. There is such comfort and hope in our human condition that strives to bring light into the times of darkness. We light candles or hang lights, celebrating miracles and the promise of love and peace. The light enlivens the darkness that surrounds us. Like many Waldorf and Waldorf-inspired schools, we offer a festival around this time as well - the Winter Spiral - held on the Winter Solstice. In this evening festival, we lay out a spiral of greens on our farm. There is a single candle in the center. Each student, each “1”, carries an unlit candle into the spiral, slowly moving inwards. When they reach the center, they light their candle. As they retract out of that center, they choose a place along the spiral to place their “1” lit candle and continue out. What starts as a dark spiral ends with a spiral lit up by the lights of each “1” of the students. They journey inwards to find their light then share their light with the entire community. We start with darkness and end with light. The community of “1”s lights up the sky. Let’s reclaim “Thanksgiving” for it’s actual name. Let’s make ita holiday for Giving Thanks.
Giving thanks or offering gratitude may be one of the greatest practices we impart on our children. Not the “say thank you” version that trains our children for some outward societal politeness but rather the kind of gratitude that is deep and transformative. At Golden Bridges School, we incorporate practices of gratitude throughout the day. The most routine is gratitude around our meals. We offer a verse or song of thanks to the earth, the plants, the sky, and the rain for bringing us the food we are about to eat and off we go. Other classes will start their morning with a more broad offering of gratitude. “I’m grateful that my soccer team won this weekend” or “I’m grateful my grandma came to visit” or “I’m grateful that we have a long weekend coming up”. Practicing gratitude and having that tool accessible is one of the best forms of self-care. Helping our children to build this skill /practice early in life is a wonderful gift we can offer them. If we consider how overwhelmed we often get with work, relationships, world events, or just those persistent voices in our heads, pausing and offering gratitude can either momentarily divert one’s attention or, better yet, redirect our attention entirely. My to-do list seems endless, my weekend is booked with kids activities, social engagements, and all of those ParentSquare emails! But I pause. I take a deep breath. I put my hand over my heart. I offer thanks that I have such abundance - a roof over my head, an engaged family, friends with shared interests and values. And sometimes when there is violence and political unrest that concerns me, I offer thanks for the safety of my own family, for the individuals and organizations who are working to bring forth peace. And sometimes, when finding depth of gratitude is out of reach, I offer gratitude for the comfort of my couch and Netflix. As we move into this upcoming holiday called Thanksgiving, let us consider bringing a practice of gratitude to the table. Many are gathering for a meal with friends and family, many of whom are coming to the table with different life circumstances, personal practices, values, and ways of expressing their feelings. Sharing gratitude is a wonderful addition to any Thanksgiving tradition. Here are some ideas of how to share gratitude together:
Happy Thanksgiving! Halloween is just weeks away. Has your child declared “I want to be INSERT CHARACTER HERE for Halloween!” We’ve come so far from the holiday’s origins of dressing in scary costumes to ward off the evil spirits. Since Halloween has become such a commercialized holiday, there are more and more costumes that come out of a package, that represent a character from a show or movie. As a parent and longtime educator, I have been witness to over 20 Halloweens at two different schools and have been trick-or-treating in several different neighborhoods. Needless to say, I’ve noticed some things.
One of my proudest parenting moments was when our family dressed as characters from Peter Pan. My Kindergarten son was Peter Pan, my infant daughter was Captain Hook, and their parents dressed as TinkerBell and Smee. I made the Peter Pan costume from scratch! I am not a sewer. The costume looked fantastic in the morning and as the day wore on, the adornments were falling off and the seams were splitting. But that wasn’t the noticeable thing. My son stood so joyfully and confidently, “crowing” all day! He became Peter Pan as he imagined him from hearing me read the story and from the Pop-Up Book we flipped through. The costume helped bring life to a deep, imaginative picture that did not yet have an outer manifestation. The expression delighted him. So what happens when our children put on the costumes of characters they know from movies or television shows? Are we giving them the opportunity to live into the richness of their own imagination or are they living into the expectations they have of a static character? Does this really matter… am I overthinking this??? Each child is different and responds to costumes and character play so differently. It’s worth considering some questions before committing to a Halloween costume. What might my child FEEL wearing this costume? I don’t mean feel in terms of whether the costume is too tight or itchy but what might it feel like to embody that character for the day or evening. If they are dressing like a monster, what might it feel like to act like a monster for the day? If they dress like a princess, how might others treat them that day? How might my child ACT wearing this costume? Another costume my son wore when he was older was a blow-up costume that slips on over clothes and it looks like you’re riding a dinosaur. He spent the day running amok and knocking people over! He didn’t do that the day before or the day after. If your child is wearing a costume to school, will they be compelled to act like their costume character all day and how might that affect their school day? How might my child ENGAGE in the costume process? One can buy a costume and wear it as is. One can make the whole thing from scratch or piece together things from home. But there are so many in-betweens. Is there an adornment that can be made or attached that adds a personal touch? Or an accessory that bring some pizzaz or uniqueness to that Spiderman costume? There is so much potential to utilize a child’s imagination in developing a costume. It’s worth the time to enter that imaginative space with them and then dream up a creative strategy to bring that imagination into being. Trust me, it’s better than the blow-up dinosaur! And don’t forget to share those pictures. Happy Costuming! |
AuthorJessie Elliot is one of the founding teachers of Golden Bridges School and a mother of a teen and a tween. Archives
November 2024
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